I'm quitting my goals

I quit.

I'm officially quitting my goals.  I'm done training because I'm done feeling defeated, lack of ambition, and especially failure.  I miss running for fun.  I want to focus on purpose.  So I have decided to put away the training plan and focus this year on enjoying the run and focusing on the "WHY."
Every morning as I make my coffee, I see this sign.

Today it hit me.
The last few months have been really difficult for me.  I can't really name why, but I can tell you it's not normal.  I've been feeling defeated and lack of ambition.  I miss finding the small joys in life.
As everyone begins this new year with resolutions, I began thinking about what this year brings, and how I am already feeling behind.
So...with that...I have decided to give up my fears, my failure, and to choose joy.
This means I have decided to no longer run the marathon in March.  I will be there on race day, in sneakers, and on the course, but I can't tell you the distance I'm going to go until I'm done.  Right now, I'm going to choose to enjoy the journey, run for fun, and run for purpose.  I'm going to focus on the goal of bringing 750,000 clean water.  I'm not going to focus on the fear of failure, but I'm going to succeed in purpose.  I'm no longer making it about the course, but am making it about the kids.  I'm going to focus on relationships with my team.  I'm going to share the story of why I run.
I'll be there on race day, I'll set a personal goal, but right now I'm telling you...I need to refocus.  I have focused too much this past year on feeling like failure.  Today I put 2018 behind me and choose joy and choose purpose.

Why LEGACY means so much to me

Today I received my second legacy patch.

This may not seem like much to anyone else, but to me it is a BIG deal.

I'm turning 40 this year.  Honestly, I never thought I would make it to 40.  And if I did make it to 40, I never thought I would be here still single and with no kids.  But life has taken me a completely different route than I ever imagined.

The word LEGACY has taken on a whole new meaning for me as well.  I always thought my legacy would be in the family I leave behind, but what if I have no family behind me?  What if no one carries on my name?  What if I'm the end of my line?  Those thoughts used to bring me down, but over the last few years I started doing something with them.  You can go back to past blog posts where I talk about wanting to live and leave a legacy, and this year it has hit me hard...I AM!

This year has been a weird year.  It has me tired, worn out, slothy, and yet energized about the life I am living.  I know, none of that goes together!  But let me be real and be vulnerable here.  This year is ending in what my mind wants me to believe is failure.  In 2018 I attempted 2 marathons.  This is after running the race of a lifetime in 2017 with a PR (personal record) and being on the marathon high.  My first marathon of 2018 I got sick for and couldn't run.  I have some incredible friends and supporters who ran in my place and finished like rockstars!  Each person took on a few miles to cover the 26.2 that I promised to run for clean water.  I couldn't do it, but my community did.

My second race was supposed to be the race of a lifetime, and 3 miles in to it I got sick and couldn't finish the race.  It was such a let down, especially knowing that I was so worried about the time cut off, but would have made it.  But, you can't run...you can't walk...you can barely waddle if you're sick.  That feeling of failure is still raw, but there was also a great success that came with it.  10 children were sponsored through that attempt.  Again, my friends, my family, my community stepped up and finished the race for me!  You took those kids and loved them like your own, and because of you they now have clean water, education, safety, their families are able to take care of them, and so much more that we will never know!  THAT is the legacy!

So I'm finishing this year still feeling physically down.  I failed in two races and so I don't want to run anymore, because I don't want to fail anymore.  That's what my body is telling me and what my mind is telling me.

My heart?  My heart is another story.  My heart won't give up!  My heart sees this little patch, and realizes that THIS is the legacy I am going to leave!  I may not have kids of my own, but because of my commitment (sometimes my commitment to trial and failure), 10 kids have sponsor families, 160+ have clean water, and countless others are being taken care of in a variety of ways, including being saved from slavery, witch doctors, FGM, and so much more!  They may never know my name, and they may never know my heart, but because you do, their lives are changed!  YOU are making this world a better place!

So, THANK YOU!  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  Thank you for your countless moments of encouragement!  Thank you for your donations, for sponsoring children, for loving these children as your own.  Thank you for being a part of my life and for leaving this legacy.  Thank you for giving my life meaning, and reminding me on a daily basis of the legacy I live both locally and globally.  

We're not done yet!  There is still a clean water project to be built!  You have already helped me to raise $2575 of my $15,000 goal!  Thank you for your donations and for taking time to read/listen to my heart.  I am not just a legacy runner, but I am reminded of the legacy you leave in me that I then get the joy of sharing with others.  I guess this is what being in the Kingdom of God is really about!

If you would like to donate to the well/water project, visit my donation page to learn more at www.teamworldvision.org/participant/carlypowne

If you would like to sponsor a child go to http://www.teamworldvision.org/sanantoniosponsorship and then tell me about the child you choose to sponsor!

Thank you for giving my life meaning and for being a part of this legacy team!

Crying is good!

My emotions are on high.  I don't know if it's because I finally talked to Liz about what to expect on race day.  I don't know if it's because I'm realizing that in 2 weeks from this minute I will be running the New York City Marathon with over 51,000 of my closest friends.  Or maybe it's because I'm seeing God work left and right in these God sized goals.  As one of my sweet middle schoolers always says, "All of the above!"

Today I cried.  I cried hard.  Tears of joy!  I was sitting in service thinking about the $2100 that I needed to raise to meet my goal, knowing that God was going to provide, and when I got back to my office, I got a message that I had made it.  Did you catch that?  I MADE IT!!!  $10,000 has been raised to protect children worldwide!!!  That means that there is a girl somewhere right now being pulled out of terrible conditions, who has been separated from her family and sold.  She is getting the help she needs to get her life back!  She is being taken care of and someone is fighting for her to get her sellers thrown in jail, thus keeping her and other kids safe.  She will be listened to and fought for.  She is getting the justice she deserves!

Another kid is being searched for because their village has been given a way to alert each other when someone is taken.  This child is being saved from human sacrifice!  Another girl is being saved from FGM.  The list goes on and one.  Kids are getting rescued!  They are being protected!  They are being given another chance at life!

This thought makes me want to run!  I want to run for these kids, for their freedom, for those who can't run for themselves.  I want to rejoice knowing they are being saved.  I want to hug every kid I see and help them to enjoy their childhood.

I am so excited to see what God is doing, and I am so thankful to be a part of it!

Thank you all for supporting me, for listening to my cry, and to believing in this cause as much as I do!  You can still give!  Every dollar helps to protect a child, so the fundraising doesn't stop just because I reached my goal.  You can still give!  

These last 2 years have moved my heart in ways I never could have imagined.  Who knew that I could combine two of my passions in such a way!  I can help children worldwide while running for them, that's quite a deal!  Maybe your next step is to run with me!  :)

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

That's all I have left to say!

Thank you!

I made the front page! And other news...

When I started this journey almost 11 months ago, I took on a God size challenge.  I remember walking with a friend in January talking about how I was going to raise $10,000.  I had these big dreams for fundraising, and I had these big dreams for my health.  I was setting out to run the New York City Marathon, and nothing was going to stop me.

Things don't always go as planned.  My big fundraising ideas fell through.  My health is the same.  And I am no where near what I'd thought I'd be in November.  But that's okay!!!  Let me repeat that...THAT'S OKAY!!!  Because God is GOOD!!!  Nothing went according to MY plan, but it is all working out for GOD'S plan!

I'm just $3,165 from reaching my goal of $10,000.  Can you believe that?!?!  That's just with your help!  You, who have read my blog!  You, who have put up with an overwhelming amount of facebook posts!  You who have supported me on this journey!  Because of you, I woke up today and found that I was in 9th place as a fundraiser out of the 52 on our team!  What an achievement!  But more than that, our team is rocking it!!!  It's not about the money we've raised, or about what place we are in, but about how many children are getting help!  They are being saved from circumstances that we can't even imagine!  Kids...KIDS...are being saved from slavery!  SLAVERY!!!  KIDS!!!  

Yesterday someone gave my friend a hard time because we were out of creamer in the coffee area.  Creamer.  Free coffee and your mad about creamer.  I get it, I'm being kind of rude about this, but as I learn more about kids in slavery, it's really hard for me to get upset about creamer.  When I'm learning about children being used as human sacrifice, children being caught in sex trafficking, children being killed because of their gender, and so much more...It's really hard for me to get upset about creamer.

I've been amazed over these last few months at how God has kept me in check on my runs, and in life as I've learned about why I'm running.  I tend to listen to a lot of books and podcasts as I run, and so often a message of children being caught in slavery or being trafficked, or a message of people needing clean water, pops into these stories.  It's amazing how God continues to teach me and remind me of the importance of this run.

I know that NYC has been a dream of mine, but this event has changed from running the NYC Marathon to running to bring children life.  To bring children their childhood.  To let kids be kids.  I can't necessarily go and help every child, but I sure can learn and educate people about what's happening in this world, and in that, I can help some children.

In the last 3 years I have had 3 failed marathons.  2 I signed up for as marathons, but competed as half marathons, and 1 that I didn't finish, so I finished from home.  I told myself that I couldn't sign up for another marathon until I lost 50 pounds, because I'm tired of not finishing.  I'm talking a big game but not following through.  When I was given the opportunity to run NYC with Team World Vision, I had this fear that I wouldn't finish, but I said yes anyways.  Honestly, I'm still scared I won't finish.  I've spent the last few days timing my runs, looking up times from last years finishers, and comparing my times with theirs.  Anything can happen on the course.  I went in to this year ready to train.  I knew if I trained well, the weight would melt off.  Well, that didn't happen.  Yes, I trained well, but I look the same as I did in January.  In fact, I've even managed to gain some weight.  You try telling someone that you're training for a marathon when you look like me.  But even in that, God has reminded me that this isn't about me!  I'm sharing my story!  People are donating!  Kids are being rescued!  Good is happening in this world!  It's not about me, I just get to tell people about it!  And THAT is exciting!

Now when I tell people I'm running a marathon in 2 weeks I get to explain why!  I get it, I don't look like a marathon runner, but I've got a purpose and a mission, and nothing is holding me back!

Will you help me share my story and help me to reach that final goal of $10,000?

As for my time, right now it looks like I'll be at the tail end of the race, but I'll finish on time.  I'm okay with this!  This means that even though I didn't lose weight, I gained health.  I might be slow, but I can go...and I can go far!  My long runs have been good, I'm making decent time.  I've got 2 weeks left to gain strength and build speed.  Please pray for me as I now taper off my training.  Please pray for my strength and for health.  I'm in the final weeks and I'm ready to go.  

And, on another note, I may have already said yes to my next marathon!  I'll be running for water in April!  (That is, after my next half in December!)

Want to know where these donations are going?

Through World Vision’s work in child protection,

• $20 is enough to help a child who is a survivor of sex trafficking to be adequately represented during a police investigation. (Cambodia and Bangladesh)
• $45 is enough to help 2 child survivors of labor trafficking receive free legal support during trial. (Cambodia and Bangladesh)
• $90 is enough to help 2 girls to go through an Alternative Right of Passage and avoid FGM (Female Genital Mutilation) (Kenya)
• $500 is enough to help provide 2 cell phones for the village Amber Alert System to combat child sacrifice (Uganda)
• $1,310 is enough to help to provide school scholarships for ten girls vulnerable to FGM and child marriage (Kenya)
• $5,000 is enough to help fund a 2-year, village “Amber Alert” Radio Program to decrease child abductions and combat child sacrifice  (Uganda)
• $3,500 is enough to help to fund a province-wide community event to promote Gender Equality and the fight against prenatal sex selection (Armenia)

The blessing is outside of your comfort zone

People often talk about the spiritual journey of running.  I don't know that it's the running that's getting to me or the purpose.  Either way, I am experiencing God in exciting ways.
I figured that since this isn't my first race, or even my first time training for a marathon with Team World Vision, that I had kind of seen and experienced it all.  I kept focusing on the physical, but God is surprising me in the spiritual.  I don't even care about my physical shape anymore, because I'm out there doing it, I'm confident I'm going to cross the finish line.  So now I'm just along for the journey.  And what a journey it has been!
I've been on this journey in one way or another for almost 7 months now, but each day gets more exciting.  My friend, Clare, shared this podcast with me about running as a spiritual practice.  I've been listening to a lot of podcasts and books while I run lately, and I am amazed how God is using each and every one of them to meet me where I'm at.  In today's podcast a quote that kept being repeated is "The blessing is outside of your comfort zone."  I'll tell you, it took me a long time to figure out what was outside of my comfort zone!  I'm pretty comfortable with most anything.  But trying to raise $10,000...outside of my comfort zone!  I love sharing about why I'm raising the money, and I love sharing about what I'm learning, but the actual ask is very difficult for me.  But, God has called me to this purpose, so I am trusting that God will deliver!
It's interesting because as I ran this morning, all of these thoughts were running through my head, and I wrote them down as soon as I got home.  I almost sat down then to blog, but decided to wait.  Boy am I glad I waited!
Pastor Lupina's message today was spot on with what I was listening to and thinking about on my morning run.  It was amazing!  It's like we had all sat down together to decide a theme for today.  But we didn't.  That's how I know this is a message from God that is coming through.  Today's message was "The Kingdom Assignment" and was about Matthew 25:14-30.  The question that was asked was "What do we do with the talents God has given us?"  On my run, one of the speakers on the podcast talked about how she was the slowest on her cross country team, but that she ran for joy.  It made me think about how I don't have the gift or the natural talent of running, but I sure enjoy it!  I've always been one of the slowest, but I usually have a smile on my face.  I don't believe that God put me out here to run, but to learn and share the word about child protection and the clean water projects of Team World Vision.  It seriously keeps coming up everywhere, even in podcasts and books I'm listening to!  It's crazy...and it's God!
Anyways, when Matthew talks about the talents, he's not talking about "talent" but about money.  Which is where this comes in even more to what I'm doing.  It's about using what we have to make it grow.  We were challenged at church today with $100 to see how we can grow it and use it for God's Kingdom.  I think I'm in the midst of that now!  I started with nothing, but by sharing my story we have raised $2,000 to protect children worldwide!  I truly believe that I am going to make that $10,000 mark.
Our team is just $10,000 from making our first goal of $100,000!!!  With just a small donation of $5 (giving up coffee, soda, or ice cream for one day) you can help us get closer to that goal!  Our goal is to meet the $100,000 mark by the end of this week.  Feel like you can give more?  Donate what you can and know that your donation is going to impact children worldwide!  Want to know more about how your donation is being used?  Read this.
Somewhere in the midst of the podcast, sermon, or discussion today, I was reminded that if God calls you, He has given you the gift you need.  I believe God has called me to help protect children, and will provide the money.
I believe that God is calling me to help children not only world wide but also locally.  I spent the weekend learning about the foster care system and what I can do to help.  I've been moved by discussions I've been having, videos I've seen, and articles I've read.  So as I'm running to bring child protection worldwide, I'm also being trained and used to make a difference here in my community.  God is really doing something here!  I expected this all to be about the run, but it is about so much more than that!  Sometimes I forget that this is even for a run.  The run part just seems silly now!  But, I enjoy the run, I enjoy how God is moving in these runs, and I am excited to share more about this journey with you in the near future!  Great things are happening, and it is all coming together!

If you would like to donate to Team World Vision, or just would like to learn more, please go to https://www.teamworldvision.org/participant/carlypowne

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and learn more about what I'm passionate about and what you can do to help!

Training, fundraising benchmarks, and what God is teaching me through it all

I guess now is as good a time as any to update!  Today has been kind of a big day!
I finished my pre-training on a high note.  I had a very good run this evening.  My time is still slow, but I'm okay with that because I find myself enjoying my runs more and wanting to go longer.  The trick may be to become an evening runner.  Tonight's run was awesome!  It felt cool, had a nice breeze, but in reality was still 90 some degrees and deep in the heart of Texas.  My light went out through my run (good thing I changed my course to a more lit course at the last minute), so I ended up walking more at the end in fear of tripping, but all in all, it felt great.
More importantly, as I ran tonight, people from all over my life continued to donate, and got me to my June benchmark!  So far I have raised $2,000 out of my $10,000.  July is our $3,000 benchmark, and when I meet that I will officially get the link to register for the NYC marathon.  No turning back!
As much as this is a dream of mine, I'm also reminded daily of why I am doing this.  I'm running for the children.  I'm running for those who can't protect themselves.  And in the process, I'm listening to books and podcasts that are teaching me more than I could ever imagine.  My heart is being broken for children all over this world, both across the world and here in my community.  I'm being called to minister to these children in a variety of ways.  Running is just a part of my story.  I'll be sharing the rest of what God is teaching me soon, I just have to wrap up a few loose ends.  All I can say is, it's really exciting!  When God puts something on my heart, God REALLY puts something on my heart!  And right now, that is protecting children near and far.
Thank you for joining me on this journey!  Thank you for supporting me!  Thank you for donating to this great cause!  And most importantly, thank you for praying for me!
(Also, thank you for keeping me accountable and asking how my training's going.  It's because of you that I keep going, because I don't want to look lazy!)
I couldn't do this without you, and for you I am grateful!

Last week of pre-training

Today I began my final week of pre-training!  Next week I begin the "official training" for the NYC Marathon.  Basically this just means that I go from running in minutes to running in miles, and my skipping days are long gone!  But that's okay, because I've tried to not skip many days in this pre-training as well.  Last week I took my shoes on our mission trip.  I only got in 2 good runs, but that's 2 more than I would have if I left my shoes at home!
This month has been tough, because I've had to take time off of fundraising.  I've been out of town the majority of June, but I have faith that it will all work out.  Today I laced back up and hit the pavement.  I had a great run this morning, and am going to finish this season of pre-training strong.  As I ran, I listened to this podcast.  It was a great reminder of why I'm running.  The podcast is called "Happy Hour with Jamie Iverson" and today she spoke with a friend that was on her recent Kenya team.  They were working with Compassion International, but so much of the work is the same.  It was inspiring to hear about where they were, what they were doing, and how me hitting the pavement is changing the world!  Yes, it may have been a different organization, but they are all so similar and really just are bringing Jesus, health, and healing to the world, and I'm so happy to be a part of that!
So far I have raised $1243 for Team World Vision.  My goal is $2,000 in July, but I have to raise $3,000 by August to get the official registration link.  I believe it is going to happen, so please keep praying for me!  I've hit a few road bumps in fundraising, but some people are stepping out offering help, so I'll be meeting with them now that I'm back.
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement!  It's happening!
To donate and/or see my updates, please check out the thermometer on the right side of this page!

Today's view from my run.  See the precious deer on the right?  They were all over the park this morning!